i’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

I gotta say, one thing that I didn’t anticipate was the pressure of success. Moderate success in a niche genre isn’t, like, life changing past being something very nice, but now I feel like whatever I come out with next is going to be held up to that first book that many people loved and I’m not sure it’s going to measure up.

Did people like the story? The characters? Or was it the writing, and if so, will that carry over to a new book with new characters in a new setting that aren’t very much like the characters from Honey in the Marrow at all?

In that spirit, I had a mild spiraling meltdown and changed a bunch of stuff in the last round of edits and had to email my editor and be like, it’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.

I have to suspect this happens more often than not. There’s no way that other writers have it all together and don’t have doubts or last minute changes or a lightning bolt of late night inspiration that requires them to change a ton of stuff.

For this second book, so much has changed along the way that the current manuscript is nearly unrecognizable from the original one I submitted back in October of last year, save for the names of the characters and the setting. It’s been a valuable learning experience and I like where the book has ended up, but I knew something was missing and I didn’t want my chance to add it in, that’s all. Nothing crazy. It may push back the publication a month or two, but that’s life baby.

Once that gets submitted, my beloved editor will start looking at the THIRD book. So we’re trucking, we’re rolling, we’re making our way downtown, walking fast, faces pass, homebound.

Of course that means maybe I consider a fourth book? And what that might be?

I’m actually going to wallow in existential dread for a little while longer. At least until the new year. Please let me know if you’re also having a meltdown about something. I think that would be comforting.

2 thoughts on “i’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

  1. Dallas

    Isn’t existential dread the annual dish of the holiday season? ‘Cause I eat that ish up!

    I’m excited about Book 2 and 3+ because they’re authored by you and that’s that! <3

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