now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

I get botox injections for my migraines every three months and in that block of time, I have about two pretty good months where I don’t think about headaches all day every day. The other month is broken up on both ends and is dedicated to the botox slowly kicking in and to it wearing off.

The wearing off is like hearing distant drums and then they get closer until they are inside of your skull. I’m usually REAL on top of making that appointment for new injections but I was less on top of it this time and so the in-skull drum beating portion is a little longer than usual.

Which means often, I look like I’m just sitting and staring at nothing but I’m actually just ~enduring~ or possibly trying not to yak. Headaches are a weird affliction because people are generally understanding of them because it’s a familiar and universal pain, but also they don’t understand the severity. A migraine is not a headache, right? I use that term interchangeably sometimes, but it’s not correct. I get headaches, too. Not every headache I have is a migraine, though often a headache becomes a migraine if I ignore it for too long. People also don’t understand more and more as the time increases. You still have that headache? You had that yesterday? You had it last week! And I’m gonna have it tomorrow, Linda, that’s the problem.

You can’t call out every day, though. I’ve learned to work through a lot of the pain. I’ve learned to catch the signs early, to take the right medicine at the right time. Ice hats, biofreeze, roll on essential oils, CDB balm, edibles, good old fashioned ibuprofen. I have it all.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I haven’t been a joy to have in class lately, but today someone checked Honey in the Marrow out from me at the library reference desk, and that was a very cool feeling in the midst of a week of pain, and I truly appreciated it. It reminded me that good things find you. I hope something good finds you today, too.

One thought on “now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

  1. Max

    Thank you for laying out exactly what it’s like to suffer from chronic migraines. You either get it or you don’t, and I’m sorry to say I get it too.

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